Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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