I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
