Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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