Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
