I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
