the condom got lost in my hair
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize