Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
