I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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