This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
