Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
