Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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