your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize