Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
