When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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