apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
