entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
