Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
