its not stalking. its research.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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