Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
