Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
