just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
