I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
