Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
