i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
