I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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