Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
