I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
