You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ketchup is God's man juice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
