i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
