She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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