I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
