make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
