i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
