I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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