i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
