I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
