Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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