i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
