Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
only you would photoshop your dick
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
