you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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