New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
