Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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