Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
