One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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