fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
