Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
