Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
