i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am one with the molecules
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
