woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
