Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
