Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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