Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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