he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
