I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I came so hard my ears popped.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
