It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is dick and wine.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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