The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
