i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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