He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize