Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
