you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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