Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
