The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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