I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
