Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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