her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
