U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
