how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
