And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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