Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize