we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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