her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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