"it" just moved
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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