6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
